Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
