I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
