Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
