you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
