Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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