i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You ruined the universe
Randomize
