im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
