Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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