so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sober January is a disaster.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize