WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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