mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
