WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
