You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
