i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize