i was rollin on her like bob the builder
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
