I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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