then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How does it feel to date your dad?
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