She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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