either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I love you. Go after that dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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