I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
...so i touched it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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