I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize