I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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