There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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