She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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