every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15