so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow