i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
