it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.