the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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