I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.