I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I need help removing her.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
