After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.