Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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