Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just invented taco cereal.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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