hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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