member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
