when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
