I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
