SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Vodka?
Forever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
PANTIES FOUND
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
