But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize