im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
