Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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