how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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