You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
