I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
