just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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