Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
