Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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