That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
