I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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