so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am one with the molecules
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
