Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
