I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
