Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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