mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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