I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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