At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it hurts more in the daytime
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
