My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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