This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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