have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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