shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
