in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
