My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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