You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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