the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
