I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
