jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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