okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
