I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
