You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
