Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
