I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
