Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
