There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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