Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
