her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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