He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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