I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
