I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
