We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i would punch a child for taco bell
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
