i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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